I wrapped you inside my coat. When they came to firebomb the house. I didn't feel pain, 'cause no one can touch me....now that I'm held in your spell...

WARNING: This is probably going to be long, because I will just get going and won't be able to stop and it probably won't be a fun read. In all actuality, this is probably a shitty read. Shitty, depressing and not a while lot of hugs and puppies.

Now that that is out of the way...I don't know what to do right now. My emotions are overflowing. No, they are gushing. And making a mess of my floor. I wish I had the eloquence to fully express myself. I wish they made words to describe how I feel. They do not, though. I have discovered the limitations of language. Language does no justice to our true emotions.

I almost hate being around him, I feel so strongly for him. When he is not around, at least the ache lessens a little bit, because I am not looking at the reminder of how empty my heart is. At least then, I have a chance of shushing myself a little; of distracting myself for a short time. I see him or talk to him and the desire to BE with him overwhelms me. I feel physical pain and nausea in my stomach. I feel a literal ache in my heart. It feels like a dull throb. I mean that. I feel literal, physical reactions to the power and intesity of my emotions.

When I say "BE with him," I do not mean sexually. Of course, I want that as well, but mostly, I just want to be next to him. Feel his arms around me. Maybe, just maybe, feel his lips upon mine. In reality, I look forward to that the most - the kiss. I feel like a giddy teenager finding her first love when I think about it. I feel limerance, you dirty chat bastards!. If I never have anything else, I want to be engulfed by his presence. Strangely, I already am. I also feel how distant that presence is, however, and I am terrified beyond words that I may never have the chance to feel that. I am also terrified beyonds words that I will have that chance. I am just terrified.

I think I shall excerpt from chats, as the topic came up today. The chat, oddly enough, was entitled, "Giving up the Ghost." You ponder whatever supposed depth lies there. This might help me get through this topic, as I am easily distracted right now. Easy to get distracted when you really want to push away thoughts and feelings and build a solid wall around yourself. Alas, even the Berlin wall came crashing down eventually.