Looking for apartments today was exhausting. Really, it is just too hot for, well, movement of any kind. I need to learn how to control the weather. Sitting around sweating all day and all night is doing my skin no favors.

Talked to my mom today. You know, my parents wonder why I do not call more often. Maybe it was because we talked for FOUR FREAKING HOURS! Jesus. It was good, though. I love talking to my mom, usually. 4 hours and we did not fight once. Look at me...I'm growing.

She actually made me feel immensely better about the Bar exam. I guess she talked to Judy (who is my step-mom,you lazy people) yesterday for a very long time. Weird, since they kind of hate each other. Maybe Judy is growing, too.

Anyway, they talked about me, of course, because they have little else to say to each other, and I guess mom brought up my intense fear of failing the exam. Judy did not understand my logic, because, like my dad, she thinks that I just naturally do well on that standardized tests. Thankfully, my mom was there to drill into her head how this is NOT just an ordinary test and how failing it really is not the end of the world. She made it clear that even smart people fail this exam all the time and that it is not a completely shameful experience.

That's just it. I know it is not the end of the world, but I DREADED failing it and trying to explain that to my father. I can just imagine his disappointment and total lack of understanding. My mom literally said, "so what if you fail. Then you take it again." I cannot convey how happy I was to hear that. To impress upon Judy how often people fail, she used the perennial example: JFK Jr. He took it 4 or 5 times, I believe, before finally passing.

I still have the essay booklet from the morning portion of the second day, so I started telling my mom about the essays and how I answered them, to the best of my recollection. To my surprise, several asnwers I was unsure about turned out to be correct. She also made clear that as long as I expressed the point clearly, it does not matter if I state the specific law or even frae my essays in terms of "the law says this, blah blah." This makes sense, considering the graders only spent literally 2-4 minutes reading each essay. I am not kidding, either. 2 minutes. In 2 minutes, it seems they can only look for raw content and not how well you framed your answer.

Now I am thinking that maybe I actually had a tiny moment of brilliance and I passed.

Now to find a job. But first, an apartment that is clean, liveable, cheap and pretty. And close to the subway. Really, we are asking people to shit gold with our demands for an apartment.

Is it this fucking hot in the rest of the damn country?! Christ. I do not remember summers being this hot and humid as a kid. Makes me feel old. I have been sitting here literally doing nothing and I have a huge sweat ring on the front of my shirt. Disgusting, I know. Believe me, I have tried to stay dry and clean. There are only so many showers a person can take in one day, though.

Heh. I write and as I write, I keep remembering snippets of conversation with my mom. Apparently, she liked Morholt, but always secretly wished that we would not last. She did not think he was good for me or my psyche. Perhaps she was right. She could not explain precisely why, only that she did not like the way he talked to me and the ways in which he affected me. She also said that she noticed subtle changes in me, the most minor being my weight gain. Guess she just feels like he did not bring out my best qualities. Wonder how she will like Tristan if and when they finally meet.

Jesus. Now I am talking about him meeting my mother. I need fucking help. Perhaps it would be wise for me to meet him first?

Guess mom's current cases are going well, which is good. She needs less stress and pain in her life. She has two major cases right now. The first is her medical malpractice lawsuit and the second is basically a family squabble my uncle decided would liven things up, so he decided to sue her for a load of shit that doesn't even make sense. Funny part is, he is making an ass out of himself to every judge that sees him.

He decided that because he went back to law school (believe he graduates this year), then he MUST be qualified to act as an attorney. Judge suggested several times that he retain counsel. All the shit he is doing? Just ensures he will never practice law. He will be reported to the grievance commission when this is all through and he will never be an attorney. This is good, since he is wholly incompetent.

I don't even totally remember how it all started. I know it had something to do with my mom requesting that he pitch in for the bills and pay rent. See, he had to move in with my grandmother after massive financial difficulties. My mother was in charge of my grandmothers finances, at her request and partly because she is getting old, and well, senile.

Following her request, he became angry and vindictive and started accusing her of embezzling money and all sorts of crazy shit. Then he filed a lawsuit. Mind you, he was a first year law student when this all started. He has not quite grasped yet that being a student is not equal to being a lawyer. My mother's family, being the petty shits that they are, followed suit, so to speak, and joined in on the fun.

The suit has grown massively out of control. Now he is trying to interefere with her malpractice case, something about which he knows nothing, and filed all sorts of new claims against her. She counter-sued for defamation. What he does not know is that she uncovered a massive amount of instances in which he perjured himself, as well as uncovering a scheme by which he and his ex-wife attempted to launder and conceal funds, thereby defrauding the bankruptcy courts, comitting tax fraud and a whole crapload of other violations and crimes. According to the RICO statutes and the Securities and Exchange Commission, he is fucked. Royally fucked. When this is all over, the FBI gets a fully detailed case handed to them on a silver platter. As she was telling me of all this, she finally stated something that I had been thinking. My uncle is just like Him.

The malpractice case is the big one, though. My mom's doctor performed spinal surgery on her, but he completely fucked it up. He is a high profile doc, and as such, thinks he has earned the right to be heartless and arrogant. She pointed out his mistakes and asked that he fix them immediately, before his mistakes caused permanent damage. I do not know if his fragile ego felt bruised, or what, but he basically abandoned her. By the time she found a doc willing to redo the surgery (most docs wont do it, because attempting to fix it is extremely risky, especially the later one waits, as scar tissue starts to develop over the spinal inserts), her back was already fucked beyond repair.

Now she is on disability and can barely get around. Of course, this also means she cannot practice law. A shame, too, because she is a kick ass attorney. I say that not because she is my mother, but because it is the fucking truth. She scares FBI agents. Her opponents usually despise her, because she lets nothing slide.

Only now, she cannot do it anymore. She is unable to engage in actual courtroom procedure and the pain meds they have her on pretty much mean her concentration and attention to detail is squat. As she summed up for me today, every time she submits anything in her case against my uncle (where she is representing herself, due to the sheer ease of it all), she commits malpractice. Against herself. Because she knows that she is not performing properly.

She needs to win this case. And soon. And if she fucking THINKS about settling, I will kick her ass myself. I know they will never settle for the amount she deserves or could win in front of a jury. She is never able to engage in her livlihood again. For that alone, she deserves immense compensation, as she earned a very decent living prior to the surgery.

I am tired. This is long. Longer than I wantd it to be, surprise, surprise. I think I shall go sleep now and hope that I do not waterlog my bed. I hear god plans to turn down the thermostat tomorrow. Thank fucking god for that!